Why Do All Your Aunties and Uncles Drive You Up the Wall? This Is the True Meaning of 'Family'

Ever had one of those experiences?

You head home for Chinese New Year, and the moment you step through the door, you're swarmed by a whole mob of relatives whose exact connection you can't quite put your finger on. They're all over you, enthusiastically firing off questions like: "Got a partner yet? What's your salary? When are you buying a place?" Meanwhile, you're trying your best awkward smile, while your brain's going into overdrive trying to work out: Is this person an 'auntie' or another 'auntie'? And is that a 'cousin' or... another cousin?

This 'sweet burden' is a common moment of social anxiety for many young Chinese people. We often feel like family relationships are too complicated, with too many rules and too much pressure.

But have you ever really stopped to think about what's actually behind all this? Why does 'family' (Jia) hold such a central, profound, and utterly indispensable place in the lives of Chinese people?

Today, we won't get bogged down in all those complex titles. Instead, we want to share a simple analogy with you, to help you truly grasp the meaning of 'family'.

Your Family: An Invisible 'Banyan Tree'

Imagine that every Chinese family is like an ancient, flourishing banyan tree.

• The Roots are 'Xiao' (Filial Piety): Deeply embedded in the soil are our ancestors and the cultural tradition of 'filial piety'. This isn't just a moral obligation; in ancient times, it was quite literally a rule for survival. The roots deliver nutrients to the entire tree, connecting the past with the present. That's why we place such importance on ancestor worship and respecting elders – we're acknowledging our roots.

• The Trunk is 'Jia' (Family): You, your parents, and your siblings form the core trunk of this tree. It's sturdy and strong, a solid barrier against the wind and rain. The Chinese character '家' (Jia) literally depicts a roof (宀) over a pig (豕), signifying having a place to live and food to eat. For thousands of years, this robust trunk has been our most basic 'social security' and 'safe harbour'.

• The Branches are 'Qin' (Relatives/Kin): Those 'aunties and uncles' who might drive you up the wall are the countless branches extending out from the main trunk. They're intricately interwoven, interconnected, forming a massive network. Back in the days before banks or formal laws, this network was your credit system, your social capital, your backup. When you needed a hand, the entire family network would mobilise for you.

The 'pressure' and 'constraints' we feel today are actually the lingering imprints of this ancient tree's survival wisdom. Your relatives' 'interrogations', rather than being an invasion of privacy, are more like the big old tree checking to see if every single branch is healthy and safe.

We Are the New Branches, Growing Towards the Sun

By understanding this tree, perhaps we can start to see it in a new light.

Our generation, we're pretty lucky. We no longer fully rely on this big old tree to shelter us from the elements; we have our own jobs, social security, and lifestyles. We yearn for independence, for freedom, and to break free from those intricately entwined 'old rules'.

But that doesn't mean we should cut the tree down.

Quite the opposite, actually. We are new branches growing from this ancient tree, and we have the chance to grow towards a broader sky, towards more brilliant sunshine. Our task isn't to fight against the roots, but to transform their nourishment into new vitality.

True growth isn't about escaping, but about 'reinterpreting' – understanding and responding to our elders' care in our own generation's way; communicating with them in a wiser, gentler manner.

Tell them we're capable of looking after ourselves, to put their minds at ease. Share our world with them, instead of just giving them a brush-off when they ask questions. When we stop seeing their concern as 'control' and instead view it as the ancient banyan tree delivering nutrients, our mindset might just open up considerably.

From the Language of 'Family' to the Language of the World

Communication is always the bridge that connects us. Whether it's connecting different generations of 'branches' within the family, or connecting with friends from diverse cultural backgrounds around the world.

We often feel like communicating with our elders at home is a bit like 'cross-cultural communication' – it takes patience and skill. Similarly, when we venture out into the world and interact with friends and colleagues from different countries, we also encounter language and cultural barriers.

Fortunately, in today's world, technology can help us communicate better. For instance, when you want to have a deep chat with an overseas mate but you're worried about the language barrier, tools like Intent can come in handy. Its built-in AI translation feature lets you chat easily with anyone in the world, just like you're talking to a friend, breaking down those language barriers.

Ultimately, whether it's about maintaining a 'family' connection or integrating into the wider world, the core lies in our willingness to understand, to communicate, and to connect.

So, next time you're facing those probing questions from your family, try to think about that invisible banyan tree.

You're not being interrogated; you're simply feeling an ancient tree's most awkward, yet deepest, care for its new branches. And you? You're both a part of this tree and its brand-new future.