Why Do Your 'Seven Aunts and Eight Uncles' Always Give You a Headache? This Is the True Meaning of 'Family'

Have you ever had such an experience?

Returning home for Chinese New Year, the moment you step through the door, you're surrounded by a group of relatives whose exact relationship you can't quite pinpoint. They enthusiastically ask: "Are you seeing someone?", "How much do you earn?", "When are you buying a house?" While awkwardly smiling, you're frantically trying to recall in your head: "Is this a paternal aunt or a maternal aunt?" "Is that a paternal cousin or a maternal cousin?"

This "sweet burden" is a common moment of "social anxiety" for many young Chinese. We often feel that family relationships are too complicated, with too many rules, and too much pressure.

But have you ever considered what truly lies behind all this? Why does 'family' hold such a central, profound, and indispensable place in the lives of Chinese people?

Today, we won't delve into those complicated titles, but rather share a simple metaphor that will help you truly understand the meaning of 'family'.

Your Family: An Invisible 'Great Banyan Tree'

Imagine that every Chinese family is like an ancient, sprawling banyan tree with lush foliage.

• 树根 (The Roots) 是“孝” (Xiao): Deeply rooted in the soil are our ancestors and the cultural tradition of 'filial piety' (reverence and duty towards elders/ancestors). This isn't just a moral requirement; in ancient times, it was a law of survival. The roots transport nutrients to the entire tree, connecting the past with the present. That's why we place such importance on honouring ancestors and respecting elders – we are affirming our roots.

• 树干 (The Trunk) 是“家” (Jia): You, your parents, and your siblings form the core trunk of this tree. It is solid and strong, a barrier against wind and rain. The Chinese character for 'home/family' (jiā) has '宀' (a roof) on top and '豕' (a pig) below, meaning having a house to live in and food to eat. For thousands of years, this solid trunk has been our most primitive 'social security' and 'safe haven'.

• 枝丫 (The Branches) 是“亲” (Qin): Those 'seven aunts and eight uncles' (qī dà gū bā dà yí) who give you a headache are the countless branches extending from the main trunk. They are intricately intertwined, interconnected, forming a vast network. In times when there were no banks or formal laws, this network was your credit system, your connections, and your backing. When help was needed, the entire family network would mobilise for you.

The "pressure" and "constraints" we feel today are actually the imprints left by the ancient survival wisdom of this great tree. The 'grilling' from relatives, rather than being an invasion of privacy, is more like this banyan tree ensuring that each of its branches is healthy and safe.

We, the New Shoots Growing Towards the Sun

Understanding this tree, perhaps we can view it with new eyes.

Our generation is very fortunate. We no longer entirely rely on this great tree for shelter from wind and rain; we have our own jobs, social security, and lifestyles. We crave independence, freedom, and long to break free from those intricately intertwined 'old rules'.

But this doesn't mean we should cut down this tree.

On the contrary, we are the new shoots growing from this ancient tree, with the opportunity to grow towards a wider sky and more brilliant sunlight. Our task is not to oppose the roots, but to transform their nutrients into new vitality.

True growth is not about escaping, but about 're-interpreting' – using our generation's approach to understand and respond to the care of our elders; communicating with them in a wiser and gentler manner.

Assure them that we are capable of taking care of ourselves, putting their minds at ease. Share our world with them, instead of just giving perfunctory answers when questioned. When we no longer view their concern as 'control' but as the 'nutrient delivery' of an ancient banyan tree, our mindset might just open up and become clearer.

From the Language of 'Family' to the Language of the World

Communication is always the bridge that connects. Whether connecting the 'branches' of different generations within the family, or connecting friends from different cultural backgrounds across the world.

We often feel that communicating with elders at home is like engaging in 'cross-cultural communication,' requiring patience and skill. Similarly, when we venture out into the world and interact with friends and colleagues from different countries, we also encounter language and cultural barriers.

Fortunately, in today's world, technology can help us communicate better. For example, when you want to have an in-depth conversation with a foreign friend but are concerned about language barriers, tools like Lingogram can come in handy. Its built-in AI translation feature allows you to effortlessly converse with anyone in the world, as if chatting with a friend, breaking down language barriers.

Ultimately, whether it's about maintaining a 'family' or integrating into the wider world, the core lies in our willingness to understand, to communicate, and to connect.

Next time you face your family's "probing questions," try to think of that invisible great banyan tree.

You're not being interrogated; you're simply feeling the most awkward, yet most profound, concern of an ancient tree for its new shoots. And you, you are both a part of this tree and its brand-new future.