Stop Being So Hard on Yourself! The Real Secret to Learning a Foreign Language is 'Letting Yourself Go'

Have you ever felt this way?

Forcing yourself to memorise vocabulary every day, practising listening comprehension, with your schedule packed to the brim. If you miss even one day's task, you feel like a complete failure. Seeing others make rapid progress while you feel stuck, you get a wave of anxiety.

We seem to have fallen into a strange loop: the harder you push, the more painful it gets; the more you blame yourself, the more you want to give up.

We always thought that being 'harsh' on ourselves was the only path to success. But today, I want to share a truth that might challenge your perception: when it comes to language learning, the most effective method is precisely learning to 'let yourself go'.

Is Your Language Learning a Garden or a Barren Land?

Imagine your language ability is a garden. You want it to be abundant with blossoms and fruitful.

Now, you have two choices:

The first type of gardener, let's call him the 'strict foreman'. He firmly believes in 'spare the rod, spoil the child' and manages the garden with military precision. Every day, he measures plant growth with a ruler, and the moment he spots a weed (mistake), he angrily uproots it, even digging up the surrounding soil. Regardless of the weather, he forcibly waters and fertilises, convinced that with enough effort, the garden will surely improve.

The result? The soil becomes increasingly barren, the plants wither, and the entire garden is filled with tension and exhaustion.

The second type of gardener, let's call him the 'wise farmer'. He understands that plants have their own growth rhythm. He first studies the soil's characteristics (understanding himself), knowing when to water and when to let the sun shine. When he sees weeds, he gently removes them, contemplating why they grew there – was it the soil or water that was the issue? He allows the garden to rest on gloomy days and savours its vibrant life during sunny spells.

As a result, this garden, in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, grows increasingly lush, healthy, and full of vitality.

Many of us become that 'strict foreman' when learning a foreign language. We treat ourselves like machines, constantly pushing and pressuring ourselves, forgetting that learning is more like a vibrant cultivation.

Why Do We Unconsciously 'Abuse' Ourselves?

Becoming a 'wise farmer' sounds wonderful, but it's hard to do. This is because our culture and society seem to constantly praise the 'strict foreman'.

• We mistakenly equate 'self-criticism' with 'ambition'. From childhood, we are taught that 'no pain, no gain' and that enduring hardship is the path to superiority. Consequently, we get used to motivating ourselves through criticism, believing relaxation is laziness and self-kindness is a lack of ambition.
• We fear that 'being kind to ourselves' will make us weak. "If I'm too lenient with mistakes, will I never improve?" "If I rest today, will others surpass me?" This fear prevents us from pausing.
• We confuse 'feelings' with 'actions'. When we make mistakes, we feel frustrated and ashamed. Instead of learning to coexist peacefully with these emotions, we immediately become captive to them, falling into a negative loop of 'I'm so stupid, I can't do anything right.'

But the truth is:

True strength isn't about never making mistakes, but about having the ability to gently pick yourself up after making one.

A wise farmer doesn't completely dismiss his efforts just because a few weeds sprout in the garden. He knows this is normal for growth. He possesses enough confidence and patience to handle it all.

How to Become the 'Wise Farmer' of Your Language Garden?

From today, try a different approach to your language learning:

1. View 'mistakes' as 'clues'. When you mispronounce a word or use incorrect grammar, don't rush to scold yourself. Treat it as an interesting clue, asking yourself: "Oh? So this is how it's used, how fascinating!" Mistakes aren't proof of failure; they are signposts leading to correctness.
2. Treat yourself like a friend. If your friend was crestfallen because they said something wrong, what would you do? You would surely encourage them: "It's okay, it's completely normal, just be careful next time!" Now, please talk to yourself in the same way.
3. Create a 'safe' practice environment for yourself. Learning requires practice, but even more, it needs an environment where you're not afraid to make mistakes. Just as a wise farmer builds a greenhouse for delicate seedlings, you too can find a safe practice ground for yourself. For instance, if you want to chat with foreigners but fear awkwardness from not speaking well, you could try tools like Intent. Its built-in AI translation can help you express yourself smoothly, allowing you to build confidence in relaxed, real conversations without worrying about communication interruptions due to mistakes.
4. Celebrate every 'little sprout'. Don't just fixate on the distant goal of 'fluency'. Today, remember one more word, understand a line from a song, dare to speak a sentence aloud... these are all 'new sprouts' worth celebrating. It is these tiny improvements that will eventually converge into a flourishing garden.

True growth stems from patience and kindness, not harshness and self-sabotage.

From now on, stop being that 'strict foreman'. Be the wise farmer of your language garden, nurturing it with gentleness and patience. You'll find that when you truly 'let yourself go', your language abilities will blossom and grow at an unprecedented pace.