Why Do Your "Seven Aunts and Eight Cousins" Always Give You a Headache? Here's the True Meaning of "Family"

Have you ever had an experience like this?

Returning home for Chinese New Year, the moment you step through the door, you're surrounded by a crowd of relatives whose exact relationship to you you can't quite place. They eagerly ask: "Do you have a significant other yet? How much do you earn? When are you buying a house?" You smile awkwardly while frantically searching your brain: is this person an "aunt on my father's side" or an "aunt on my mother's side"? Is that a "paternal cousin" or a "maternal cousin"?

This "sweet burden" is a shared "social anxiety" moment for many young Chinese people. We often feel that family relationships are too complicated, there are too many rules, and too much pressure.

But have you ever wondered what lies behind all of this? Why does "family" hold such a central, profound, and indispensable place in the lives of Chinese people?

Today, we won't dwell on those complicated terms of address. Instead, we want to share a simple analogy to help you truly understand the meaning of "family."

Your Family is an Invisible "Banyan Tree"

Imagine that every Chinese family is like an ancient banyan tree with lush, flourishing branches.

• The Roots are "Filial Piety": Deeply rooted in the soil are our ancestors and the cultural tradition of "filial piety" (孝, xiào). This isn't just a moral imperative; in ancient times, it was a rule for survival. The roots supply nutrients to the entire tree, connecting the past with the present. This is why we place such importance on ancestor worship and respecting elders – we are affirming our roots.

• The Trunk is "Family": You, your parents, and your siblings form the core trunk of this tree. It's sturdy and strong, a shield against wind and rain. The Chinese character "家" (jiā), meaning "home" or "family," has "宀" (mí, roof) on top and "豕" (shǐ, pig) at the bottom, signifying having a roof over your head and food to eat. For thousands of years, this sturdy trunk has been our most basic "social security" and "safe harbor."

• The Branches are "Kinship": Those "seven aunts and eight cousins" (七大姑八大姨) that give you a headache are the countless branches extending from the main trunk. They are intricately intertwined, interconnected, forming a vast network. In times when there were no banks or formal laws, this network was your credit system, your network of connections, your fallback. When you needed help, the entire family network would mobilize for you.

The "pressure" and "constraints" we feel today are actually the imprints left by this ancient tree's wisdom for survival. The "grilling" from relatives, rather than prying into your privacy, is more like the ancient tree ensuring that each branch is healthy and secure.

We Are New Shoots Growing Towards the Sun

Understanding this tree might allow us to view it with a new perspective.

Our generation is fortunate. We no longer fully rely on this great tree for shelter from the elements; we have our own jobs, social security, and lifestyles. We yearn for independence, for freedom, and to break free from those deeply entrenched "old rules."

But this doesn't mean we should cut down this tree.

On the contrary, we are new shoots growing from this ancient tree. We have the opportunity to grow towards a broader sky and brighter sunshine. Our task is not to fight against the roots, but to transform their nourishment into new vitality.

True growth isn't about escape, but about "reinterpretation" – to understand and respond to our elders' care in our generation's way; to communicate with them in a wiser, gentler manner.

Tell them we are capable of taking care of ourselves, putting their minds at ease. Share our world with them, instead of just giving perfunctory answers when questioned. When we no longer view their concern as "control" but as the "nutrient delivery" from the ancient banyan tree, our mindset might suddenly open up.

From the Language of "Family" to the Language of the World

Communication is always the bridge that connects. Whether connecting the "branches" of different generations within a family, or connecting friends from different cultural backgrounds around the world.

We often feel that communicating with elders in our family is like "cross-cultural communication," requiring patience and skill. Similarly, as we venture into the world and interact with friends and colleagues from different countries, we also encounter language and cultural barriers.

Fortunately, in today's world, technology can help us communicate better. For example, when you want to have a deep conversation with a foreign friend but are worried about language barriers, tools like Intent can come in handy. Its built-in AI translation feature allows you to effortlessly converse with anyone in the world, as if chatting with a friend, breaking down language barriers.

Ultimately, whether it's about maintaining a "family" or integrating into the wider world, the core lies in our willingness to understand, to communicate, and to connect.

The next time you face the "soul-probing questions" from your family, try to think of that invisible banyan tree.

You're not being interrogated; you're simply experiencing an ancient tree's most clumsy yet profound care for its new shoots. And you are both a part of this tree and its brand new future.